CREATIVITY

The Almighty created the universe out of nothing. He then created man in His own image and instructed man to emulate his Creator. I cannot create something from nothing, but I can make something better. When I make something better, I become a creator and emulate my Creator.

Creativity is usually defined in a manner that is too narrow. Surely great artists are capable of creating art that is unique and exceptionally pleasing to the senses. When an artist creates a painting, a symphony, or another magnificent work, he is expressing his creativity in a way that is out of reach for the vast majority of us.

This type of exceptional creativity is only one form of creativity. Any time I improve something no matter how slightly, I have created something -- an improvement. The Almighty put us here to make these improvements. In the Almighty’s grand plan, no improvement in the creation, no matter how grand it appears to us, is more than a very small step in the right direction. Conversely, no matter how small an improvement we make in the creation, each step takes us closer to fulfillment of the Almighty’s grand plan.

The Almighty gave each of us, in our own way, the ability to improve the creation one small step at a time. The number of small steps that have been taken in the past and that will be taken in the future to fulfill the Almighty’s grand plan are beyond my understanding. Nevertheless, each small step I take makes me more like the Almighty, and brings me closer to Him.

HIERARCHIES

Many insecure people need to know where they stand in the hierarchy. Which hierarchy? It does not seem to matter as long as they can feel superior to some other poor soul who is lower on the hierarchy than they are.

When I am the best person in a particular situation to provide information, make a decision, or otherwise act as a leader, I have the confidence to do so. In other situations, other people have the information they need, are able to make decisions independently, and do not need me to lead. Am I “lower” in some way in those situations? I do not think so. I remain who I am regardless of how much or how little my leadership is needed in any given situation.

A hierarchy is used to show the extent of authority different people have within an organization. Many people confuse authority with the power to do what you want to do. In a dictatorship, this is true, but few modern organizations are dictatorships.

In our organization, authority is the power to do what you are responsible to do. People who have more authority also have more responsibility. The converse is also true. People who have more responsibility also have more authority. We strive very hard in our organization to balance responsibility with authority and vice versa. People with more authority in our organization do not have more power to do what they want to do. They have more power to do what they are responsible to do.

Authority actually restricts what authorized people may do. They are required to fulfill their responsibilities when they exercise their authority. When used properly, authority is a burden at least as much as it is a privilege.

For example, I am authorized within our organization to approve contracts. When I exercise that authority, I assume the responsibility to ensure that we fulfill the contractual obligations contained in those contracts. Usually, I meet these responsibilities by delegating authority and responsibility to others within our organization. When things are running smoothly, this is relatively easy for me. When things are not running smoothly, I do not get to go home until the issues are properly addressed.

In a very real way, a person who is higher on the authority hierarchy has the “privilege” of carrying a heavier burden. When things are going smoothly, the privilege part seems to be dominant. When things are not going smoothly, the burden part seems to be dominant. The privilege cannot be taken without assuming the burden.

I AM SORRY

The words “I am sorry” express your love and concern for someone at least as much as the words “I love you.”

Many of us say the words “I love you” all too infrequently. This may be because we do not really love the people we purport to love. We do not express our love to these people because we do not really love them.

More often, we find it difficult for one reason or another to say these words despite the very real love we feel. We must find a way to express our love openly -- as difficult as it may be. Saying, “I love you” and meaning it is the most direct way we have to express our love and concern. Showing our love and concern for the people we love is not an optional activity. It is integral to the loving relationship.

Many of us say the words “I am sorry” all too infrequently. This may be because we are not sorry when we hurt others. We do not express our regret for hurting others because we do not really regret our hurtful behavior.

More often, we find it difficult for one reason or another to say these words despite the regret we feel. If the people we hurt are strangers or other people we are not particularly close to, expressing our regret is a matter of social courtesy. Occasional discourteous behavior (such as not expressing our regret for hurting someone) may be overlooked. If this pattern of behavior becomes too frequent or too egregious, we will pay a social price for our discourtesy. Expressing our regret at having hurt someone may be easier than dealing with the social costs we may incur if we do not express our regret.

If the people we hurt are the people we love, our discourteous behavior has a much greater significance and potentially a much higher cost. Love for a person and concern for that person’s welfare are inseparable aspects of the same relationship. Lack of concern for the people we love indicates impairment in our love for them. Not expressing our regret when we hurt the people we love displays a lack of concern for them. Since expressing our regret for hurting others is an expected social behavior, not expressing our regret when we hurt someone we love in itself may impair the loving relationship we have with them.

Paradoxically, finding it difficult for one reason or another to express our regret at having hurt the people we love seems to be more common than finding it difficult to express similar regret to strangers or others we are not particularly close to. Our loving relationships are much more intense and much more complicated than our other social relationships. The intensity and the complexity of each loving relationship increase the probability that we may find it difficult to express our regret at having hurt the people we love.

As difficult as it may be, expressing our regret when we hurt the people we love is at least as important to our loving relationships as openly expressing our love for them. There are few, if any, specific times when we are expected to say the words “I love you.” Thus, the absence of this expression of love may not be noticeable except after an extended period of time.

Not saying “I am sorry” after hurting the people we love is expected immediately after this behavior or shortly thereafter. Since it is expected at particular times, its absence is much more noticeable. The conspicuous absence of this behavior over time may be very damaging to our loving relationships.

Saying “I love you” and meaning it, and saying “I am sorry” and meaning it are both required behaviors within any loving relationship. Expressing these sentiments and meaning it may be very difficult in general and even more difficult under particular circumstances. Nevertheless, the benefit of expressing these sentiments and the loss incurred by not expressing them must motivate us to overcome our inhibitions.

SUBSTITUTES THAT FALL SHORT

Worrying about me, thinking about me, empathizing with me, and praying for me all fall short when I need you to help me, to cooperate with me, or to compromise with me.

Many people give others what they need to give rather than what others need to receive. They then think that they are acting selflessly. After all, they “give” so much. In fact, the more they “give,” the more they take. Their actions may get them what they need to get (attention from others, a reduction of guilty feelings, etc.), but they almost never really help anyone other than themselves.

There is nothing inherently wrong with worrying about me or thinking about me. Empathizing with me or praying for me may actually help me if I need your empathic support or I feel relieved by your prayers. When I need you to help me, to cooperate with me, or to compromise with me, these other actions do not provide what I need. If you do not want to help me, to cooperate with me, or to compromise with me, just say so. I am confident that I can manage without your help, cooperation, or compromise. But don’t act as if you are helping me by doing what you need to do when I need you to do something else. And don’t expect me to be grateful when you are indulging your needs. You are helping yourself, not me.

Help is about what the recipient needs to receive, not about what the helper needs to give.

FAILURE

If I try, I may fail. If I do not try, I have already failed. If I try hard and fail, I fail at achieving but I succeed at trying. Because risk assumption is a prerequisite for great success, a highly successful person almost always has a history of great failures intertwined with his/her history of great successes. I can fail only if I stop trying. If I keep on trying, I have not yet finished, and I have not yet failed. At times, accepting failure minimizes failure.

Failure is not as bad as most people seem to think. To me, failure frequently is a rest stop on the way to achievement. At other times, failure is a feedback mechanism that provides me with valuable information: My previous goal is unachievable or too expensive (in effort, time, and/or money) to achieve. This valuable information helps me rethink my goal, change my direction, and achieve success in another way or in another area.

Failure is actually good sometimes. Failure may be the Almighty’s way of reminding me of my limitations. Failure may also keep me from achieving something that is negative. (Not all goals involve positive outcomes.)

Even when failure is bad, we must evaluate the framework within which it is bad. Something that is bad for me may be good for someone else. Something that is bad for me now, may be good for me later. Something that is bad for me in a smaller way may be good for me in a bigger way even when I am unaware of what that bigger way is.

Failure results in absolute bad only when it leads me to conclude that I should no longer try. Failure itself is not bad in this case. My conclusion is.

Concluding that it is no longer worthwhile to try is not only bad. It is false. Everyone is capable of success if success is properly defined. Consistent failure in the past can be reversed in an instant if goals are set that are realistic given my current status and situation. Past failure need not be indicative of future failure if I remain flexible in setting goals.

The only way to guarantee future failure is to stop trying.

HUMILITY

The Almighty did not intend humility to be an excuse.

Humility is another one of those seemingly desirable traits that has the potential for great damage. To the extent that humility motivates me to balance my concern with myself with my concern for others, it is a very positive trait. To the extent that it makes me feel inadequate to strive for greatness, it is very negative.

Many religions seem to encourage their adherents to self-flagellate emotionally if not behaviorally. Self-flagellation may be a great way to draw attention to myself as being among the most humble of the Almighty’s servants. It may also be a great way for a sexual deviant to feed his deviant fantasies. It is unlikely to indicate true humility. Worse, it is unlikely to motivate a person to do good. If I am so involved in beating myself down, how will I have the energy and motivation to raise others up?

IMPERFECTION

Compared to the Almighty’s perfection, we are all equally weak, equally needy, and equally imperfect beings.

People with IQ scores of 100 think they are smarter than people with IQ scores of 50. People with IQ scores of 150 think they are even smarter. But is there any difference between IQ scores of 50, 100, and 150 to a being with an IQ score of 500? …of 1000? …of infinite intelligence? Not really.

To mortal humans with our limited skills and perspectives, human strengths and weaknesses differentiate among us. Some of us appear to be much more and others appear to be much less in many ways. These differences may appear significant to us, but they have little or no meaning to the Almighty. To Him, all of our strengths appear no different than all of our weaknesses. Everything about us is puny in comparison with the infinite that is the Almighty.

Next time you start feeling smug about your relative superiority over some other person, remember that you are not materially different than anyone else in the eyes of the Almighty. Alternatively, feelings of superiority over others may be one of the few traits that actually differentiate people from one another in the eyes of the Almighty. Your feelings of relative superiority over others may be the Almighty’s reason to consider you relatively inferior to those same people.

RISK

Gambling is fundamentally different from taking risks. A person who gambles gets a thrill out of placing his fate in the hands of chance. A person who takes risks gets a thrill out of placing his fate in his own hands.

A number of years ago, my wife Lois and I went on a cruise to Alaska. In addition to beautiful accommodations and meals, the cruise offered a wide range of exceptional opportunities like kayaking on a pristine Alaskan river, climbing a small Alaskan mountain, observing whales and other sea mammals, and watching the “birth” of icebergs as they broke away from the amazing glaciers. The cruise also offered other experiences more commonly found in vacation areas including the opportunity to gamble in a fully equipped casino while the ship was in international waters.

Some of the passengers on the cruise seemed to find the casino to be a primary benefit of the cruise. Others like Lois and me were intrigued by the casino, but saw it as an add-on that we might consider when there was nothing better to do. The more experienced gamblers at our table seemed to find our inexperience with gambling very amusing. One seemed to think that it was his responsibility to initiate us into the gambling life.

I did not find the opportunity to gamble particularly exciting. One evening, Lois pushed me into trying my hand. “They even stake you to a roll of coins,” she cajoled. “You won’t have to spend any of your own money if you don’t want to.”

I entered the casino with some trepidation, and we got in line to receive our roll of coins. Lois immediately went to the slot machines and started to feed one. I was surprised that she seemed so at ease. She explained that one of her newfound friends on board had already shown her how to “play” the slots.

I watched Lois for a while and then turned my attention to other players. They all seemed to have the same intense, glazed look. When the bells and whistles sounded, indicating someone had won, everyone seemed to get very excited. Within seconds they were back to feeding the machines with even more intensity, never stopping to calculate the ratio of the win to the investment.

After about 15 minutes, I had had enough. I left the casino with the same amount of money as I had when I had entered plus the roll of coins that I had been given.

Everyone who has ever gotten to know me has always commented on how I seem to be totally unafraid to take risks. I am sure that there are bigger risk takers than me, but I have never met any. If I am such a big risk taker, why couldn’t I gamble?

Gambling is all about giving up control and placing one’s fate in the hands of chance. People who love to gamble believe that their fate is predestined and there is not much of anything they can do to change it. Gambling is the ultimate experience of placing one’s fate in the hands of chance/destiny.

I know that I cannot control all the variables in my life. I believe that determined and directed hard work dramatically increases the probability that I will achieve what I want to achieve. While chance variables will guarantee that I fail from time to time, I can and do control my life to a great degree. I have neither the need nor the desire to gamble. Abdicating the control I do have for a temporary thrill is not my idea of fun. I didn’t need the $10 roll of coins that the casino had given me, and I certainly was not afraid to lose it. I chose to keep it and use it in a way that matters to me.