GONE

Nothing is ever really gone. Nothing is ever really used up. Do I really need this stuff?

Did you ever throw something "away"? Of course you have. So have I. But where is "away"? If you live near a garbage dump, "away" is not very far at all. You can throw something out so that it is not where you are, but you can never really throw something away. Wherever you throw it, it is someplace, and every place is too close to someone.

The underlying problem is that nothing gets "used up." In reality, “stuff” stops being useful. There is always so much useless stuff left when we decide to dispose of the items we have acquired. Even after we use up the toothpaste, the tube is left. So is the box or can or bag that our food and household items come in. A "used-up" car is just as big as a new car. Some of the car may be recyclable, but there is always too much that is left and cannot be recycled.

I wish there was a place that was "away" so we could get rid of that leftover stuff but there really isn't. All that useless stuff has to go somewhere, and somewhere is getting closer and closer to where I am and where you are.

The underlying problem is that we have defined "need" all too broadly. We seem to "need" so much stuff. How did people live 100 years ago or even 50 years ago when there was so much less stuff? I don't know, and I need more stuff RIGHT NOW! If only we needed less stuff, there would be less useless stuff left over when we were done with the stuff we really need.

Wouldn't it be nice if we left someplace for our descendants to put all the useless stuff that they no longer need?

TRUST

If someone showed that she was trustworthy for 20 years, you would think that you could really trust her. Think again.

People who know me well know that I have changed a lot over the years. When I first started my business, I wanted to control everything. Over the years, I have found that I cannot grow my business and completely control it at the same time. Growing my business has required me to delegate a lot of authority and independence to hundreds of people. This delegation of authority and independence requires me to trust in each and every one of the people who have acquired authority and independence within the business. Over the years, the trust I have placed in others has paid off handsomely in the growth of the business, in their growth, and in the growth of the people we support.

With few exceptions, the trust I have placed in people has been well placed. People earn my trust through their hard work and dedication. They retain it the same way. Of course, I have occasionally misplaced trust. A few individuals who I thought could be trusted turned out to be dishonest. When this is discovered, I am always disturbed. How could I have been so wrong?

Recently, a person who had been a valued and highly trusted individual within our organization was found to have embezzled several thousand dollars. She had worked for our organization for more than 20 years and had assumed a variety of positions of authority. She always had displayed a high degree of integrity, at least it seemed that she had. Perhaps more importantly, she always seemed to hold people with serious and complex disabilities in high regard. She seemed to understand and to have internalized our very strong commitment to treating all people with the high level of respect that we each deserve. We were most surprised to find that most of the money she had embezzled was the limited funds owned by the very people she was charged with protecting. Talk about disrespect!

Did she fool us all those years? I do not think so. During the investigation, we found that recently she had been going through many difficult life changes including a divorce, losing her house, etc. These life changes seemed to have changed who she was.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe the difficult challenges she faced more recently brought out who she really is and always was. I do not know. Some judgments are best left for the Almighty.

One judgment that I cannot leave for the Almighty is whether or not to prosecute an individual in this situation. I am sure that by now everyone knows my decision. Regardless of past dedication to the agency, we will prosecute anyone who commits fraud against the agency and/or against the people we support.

Should I stop trusting people based on these disappointments? No! Most people deserve to be trusted and use this trust to do good things for themselves, the organization, and most importantly the people we support.

I will continue to trust, and I will continue to respond with appropriate action when someone inevitably violates my trust.

HAIR

Here today, gone tomorrow.

I was visiting a middle-aged male acquaintance not long ago, and he started talking for the hundredth time about how thick his hair is. This topic was not particularly interesting the first time he brought it up. It had become quite absurd by the second or third time he went on about it. In an effort to see how far he would take this non-issue, I asked him if he had noticed that I too had thick hair. He replied, "Yes, but mine is thicker."

Does it really matter whether or not your hair is thick or thin? Does it even matter if you have or do not have hair? To a man whose hairline is starting to recede, baldness may be an issue of concern. But how thick your hair is?

People are involved in all too many issues that have little or no real significance. Talking about these issues may be a way to pass the time, but at some point you need to ask the question, "So what?"

There are many issues that really matter. I am not suggesting that we talk about them all the time. In fact, talking about important issues can be totally meaningless if no positive action is ever taken. I am suggesting that talk not be limited to the meaningless. Once in a while, substantive issues must be discussed. More importantly, substantive issues must be acted on. Today would be a good time to start. How about now?

110 PERCENT

It is possible to operate at 110 percent for a short period of time.

We generally think of 100 percent as the maximum of any given standard. One hundred percent means "everything." How can something be more than "everything"?

In some cases, 100 percent does mean "everything." In these cases, the maximum standard is 100 percent, and more than 100 percent cannot be achieved. For example, I cannot make a cash donation to a charity right now that is greater than 100 percent of the cash I have on me.

Of course, I can make a pledge to give more than 100 percent of the cash I have on me. This pledge may be many times that 100 percent standard. By redefining the standard, we can enlarge it. If the standard is the amount of cash I have on me, 100 percent is a relatively small amount. If the standard is the amount I can pledge now and pay later, then 100 percent is a much larger amount.

Redefining the standard is only one way to exceed 100 percent of a standard. Most standards involve the maximum that can be sustained over time. For example, all sports cars have a "red line" on their tachometer that defines the maximum revolutions per minute that the engine can sustain without burning out. If the engine revolves faster than that standard for more than a short time, the engine will "seize" and require extensive repairs. But what happens if the engine exceeds that 100 percent standard for a few seconds? The tachometer needle passes the red line, the car goes faster, and NOTHING else! One hundred percent of a standard like that can be exceeded for a short period of time with no significant damage.

The same is true when the standard involves how hard I can work to fulfill my responsibilities. There is a level of hard work that will cause me to "burn out" if I sustain that level for an extended period. Let's call that level of work 100 percent of my capacity for work. I cannot exceed that level of work for long without causing significant damage to myself either physically, psychologically, or both.

When I need to, I can exceed that 100 percent standard for a period of time. Emergencies happen. Resolving an emergency may require me - or you - to give 110 percent. I can do it and so can you as long as that level of work is required only for a short period of time.

In exceptional situations, a person can actually accomplish 200 percent or even 1,000 per cent of his normal capacity for a very short period of time. A father who sees his child trapped under a fallen refrigerator may lift that refrigerator off the child without thinking. Under normal circumstances, this is totally impossible. Saving my child's life is far from a normal circumstance to me, and I will do whatever it takes right here and now to accomplish that goal. I will leave contemplation of my limited capacity for another time and place.

HUMILITY

Humility is not about denying who I am. It is about knowing who I am not.

Is there anything wrong with knowing who I am? …what I have accomplished in the past? …what I am capable of accomplishing in the future? I do not think so.

I believe that each person is obligated to work very hard to know who he is, what he has accomplished in the past, and what he is capable of accomplishing in the future. The answers to these critical questions enable each person to set realistic goals for future achievements. The Almighty wants me to accomplish more with my life. He wants the same from you. You and I each need to know the answers to these and other difficult questions to come as close as possible to achieving what the Almighty wants from each of us.

Of course, bragging about who I am, what I have accomplished in the past, and/or what I am capable of accomplishing in the future contributes very little to knowing the answers to these questions. In my experience, people who brag about how important they are, what they have accomplished in the past, and what they are capable of accomplishing in the future have not really answered these questions effectively. Alternatively, they have answered the questions and found themselves inadequate. Bragging is all about covering up my inadequacies. (Yes, to my shame, I was one of those guys.) Bragging has nothing to do with making effective plans to maximize my chances of achieving what the Almighty wants me to achieve.

Knowing who I am NOT is also very important. I am NOT the Almighty’s gift to humanity. The world existed before I was born and will continue to exist after I am gone. In fact, the world could have existed even if I had never been born.

Is the world a little better because of what I have contributed during my life? We all hope that the answer to this question when applied to each of us is “yes.” Realistically, we need to recognize that no one person makes that much of a difference – with very few exceptions. What is the probability that you or I will have the impact of a Moses, a Jesus, a Mohammad, a Buddha, etc.? Let’s get real! The probability is zero. This thought should be humbling and relieving at the same time. It should be humbling because it should make us realize that almost no one is all that important. It should be relieving because it puts my responsibilities in perspective. I am not responsible to change the whole world, just to be the best me I can be. When you think about it, this actually is a unique opportunity. No one can be a better me than I can be.

Of course, I can fail to be the best me that I can be. In fact, I can fail at this miserably. But let’s be realistic. The absolutely best me I can be is less, perhaps much less, than the theoretical best me. I am human! I fail to achieve my very best at times. The Almighty is very aware of this human condition. He knows that almost no one becomes the absolutely best theoretical person he could be. The Almighty expects me to try to become the best real person (as opposed to theoretical person) I can be. He is willing to make allowances for my human frailties. He is willing to make allowances for your human frailties as well as everyone else’s.

When you think about it, maybe the Almighty is sending us a message. He, in His Absolute Greatness, is willing to make allowances for our frailties. Perhaps, we should do the same for our fellow man. Isn’t that what humility is really about?

I CAN’T. YOU HAVE TO!

Did you ever meet someone who acted so humble yet was totally unaware of the needs and wants of others?

People like this act as if they are nothing, yet expect everyone else to focus immediately and exclusively on their needs and wants. They seem to be unaware that other people also have needs and wants. Their logic, if you can call it that, seems to go like this: “I am nothing, and I have nothing. Everyone else is much luckier than I am and has much more than I have. I cannot take responsibility for myself. Everyone else must focus on me because I am so needy.”

When others respond to their demands with an expectation that they at least contribute to meeting their own needs, their response always is, “I would if I could, but I can’t.” When others suggest that they cannot drop everything else and focus exclusively on meeting their needs, these people respond, “You can, but you just do not want to help me.” They seem to live by a simple philosophy of life: I can’t. You have to!

Some of these people are exceptionally charming. They have learned how to manipulate other peoples’ feelings of pity and guilt to get what they want. Many of us respond to them the way they want, by meeting their needs. This, of course, reinforces their behavior, and they learn to demand more and more from others and less and less from themselves. Eventually, they do not even try to do anything they find difficult. From that point on, they become almost completely dependent on others.

In a way, their belief system is congruent with humility. They really do believe that they are much more limited than everyone else. In another way, their belief system is totally incongruent with humility. A truly humble person focuses on helping others, not demanding that others drop everything and focus on helping “me.” People with this belief system act as if they are the center of the universe. “I am so humble” and “the world revolves around me” are not compatible sentiments.

I wish I had a good approach to handling people like this that I could recommend to others. I do not. The beginning of a solution seems to require two realizations. First, reinforcing another person’s dependence by constantly doing things the other person could accomplish independently may be an act of pity but is not an act of kindness. Second, each of us is responsible to be aware of and respond to the needs and wants of others. This responsibility, however, does not require anyone to become overly involved in another person’s pathology.

As in everything else in life, each of us must learn to balance our responsibilities to others with our responsibilities to ourselves.