CORRECT DECISIONS

Success does not prove that a decision was correct. Failure does not prove that a decision was incorrect.

Most people judge a decision by its outcome. If the decision results in a success, then they conclude that the decision was correct. If the decision results in a failure, then they conclude that the decision was incorrect. Nothing could be further from the truth!

A decision may result in success and still have been incorrect. In fact, it may have been dead wrong. A decision is dead wrong when it unnecessarily places one or more people in danger. Does this mean that a "dead wrong" decision always results in someone dying? Of course not. No matter how incorrect a decision may be, some factor or factors that cannot be controlled may result in a positive outcome. In these situations, the positive outcome is not the result of your decision. It is a result of those other factors you do not control. Your decision was wrong! It may have been dead wrong. Some uncontrolled factor saved you from yourself. Do not take credit for "dumb luck," or fate, or the Almighty controlling the world.

A decision may result in failure and still have been correct. In fact, it may have been the best possible decision given what you knew at the time that the decision needed to be made. Frequently, important decisions must be made in the absence of relevant information. A decision in the absence of relevant information may result in failure because you did not know all that you needed to know to maximize the probability of success. You may get lucky and the decision may result in success even though you did not know everything you needed to know when you needed to make the decision. You may get unlucky and the decision may result in failure because you did not know everything you needed to know when you needed to make the decision.

A decision should not be judged to be incorrect because you subsequently experienced bad luck. A decision made in a timely manner after reasonable investigation and consideration of the facts should be judged correct if it maximized the probability of success at the time it was made. A correct decision does not guarantee success, and the best decisions sometimes result in failure. Do not beat yourself up because "things went south" if your decision was correct at the time it was made provided that you followed through in a reasonable manner after making the decision.

Should you beat yourself up if you made an incorrect decision at the time that the decision needed to be made? Should you beat yourself up if you did not follow through in a reasonable manner after making the decision? There is no doubt that good people are tempted to do so under those conditions. In fact, I have done so many times myself.

What did I accomplish by beating myself up after I made a bad decision or after I failed to follow through? Nothing positive. Beating myself up cannot change the outcome, and it certainly does not make me a better decision maker. Nor does it improve my ability to follow through after my decisions.

Instead of beating myself up, I have learned to analyze my mistakes. Some of those mistakes may have involved deciding in the absence of relevant information when I still had the time and the opportunity to gather more information. Some of those mistakes may have involved insufficient consideration given to a complex set of circumstances. Some of those mistakes may have involved negligence in following through after a decision was made.

If a mistake is made, it is important to correct it. If it is too late to correct it, at least I can learn from it and reduce the probability that I will make a similar mistake in the future.

We each succeed at times, and we each fail at times. A primary difference between those of us who are exceptionally successful and those of us who are not is that exceptionally successful people learn from their successes and from their failures and move on. Neither gloating about one's successes nor being despondent about one's failures has anything to do with being exceptionally successful.

TAKING IT WITH YOU

The only thing worthwhile that I will take with me when I die is my good name. Interestingly, my good name is also the only worthwhile thing I will leave behind.

A wise man who lived about eighteen hundred years ago was on his deathbed surrounded by his students. He appeared to be agonizing over something. Assuming that he was in pain, one of his students asked if there was anything that he could do to make the wise man more comfortable. "No," the wise man answered. "My agony is not physical. I only regret that I leave behind two bushels of grain."

Two bushels of grain did not constitute much of an estate even eighteen hundred years ago. What about leaving behind two bushels of grain caused the wise man so much agony?

Whether the story is true or not does not matter. There is an important lesson to be learned. Whatever activities we spend our time and effort on in this world that does not improve our good names cannot be taken with us and is thus wasted time and effort. Allegorically, the two bushels of grain represent the time and effort each of us spends accumulating possessions that we really do not need. Time and effort spent in this way is time and effort that would have been better spent on doing good for others and improving our good names.

When I die, I will leave behind many things. The only thing I will take with me when I meet my maker is my good name based on my good deeds. Paradoxically, the only thing worthwhile that I will leave behind is my good name based on my good deeds.

Once I recognize this simple truth, how I evaluate my use of time and effort will never be the same.

WORN-OUT PHRASES

It was a pleasure to serve you! NOT!

How many times a day do we say things that we do not really mean? Many! Why do we do this? Repetitive social situations go more smoothly when we do things by rote following well-worn language formulas. "Servers" (formerly known as waiters and waitresses) serve people so many times per day, it is easier to use the same formulaic responses over and over again. Eventually, these well-worn phrases become worn-out phrases with little or no meaning.

In the behavioral health business, serving people is a major part of what we do. In fact, it is the only thing we do that really counts. Some of the people we serve are very difficult. Because our organization's mission is to serve people with the most serious and complex disorders, we work with more than our "fair share" of these difficult people. Is it ever a pleasure to serve them?

Perhaps the word "pleasure" is the wrong word in this question. Maybe we need to answer the question, "Is it ever rewarding to serve people with the most serious and complex disorders?” I think the answer is “YES!” but this may be a true answer only when given by a special kind of person. I believe that it takes a very special kind of person to find reward in this most challenging field of work.

Over the years, it has been a great privilege for me to know many people who have dedicated their professional lives to enabling some of the most challenging individuals to live a life of dignity. Most people would find the types of activities that are a daily part of the work performed by these people to be degrading. These special people experience their work very differently. Instead of looking at the activities that they perform, they look at the improvements in the lives of the people they support. These improvements are great, especially when compared to the horrendous conditions many of them experienced while confined to institutions. Is it a pleasure to serve people with the most serious and challenging disorders? Almost certainly not. Is it highly rewarding? If looked at from the proper perspective how could it not?!

WORRY

Trouble is bad enough when it gets here.

As the leader of our organization, I speak with many people who are worried. These worries always seem to be about some possible catastrophe that may happen sometime in the future. That future may be coming tomorrow or even this afternoon. It may be months or even years away.

Worrying about a problem is not the same as preparing for it. In fact worrying is an activity that usually prevents people from preparing. Preparing involves gathering information, analyzing the problem and its components, and preparing alternative responses. Worrying involves ... worrying.

Worrying also frequently involves "catastrophizing." Something really bad is going to happen and then my whole life will be messed up. When my life is messed up, then the lives of all the people I love will be messed up. How can I possibly survive that?!!!!

You can. How do I know? I went through a real catastrophe. It was terrible. It was also painful and embarrassing. During the extended period that it lasted, I reached the point multiple times where I seriously questioned my ability to continue. Yet, I did continue, and the catastrophe abated. I am still here, and so is our organization. In fact, we are stronger and better than ever, and we are getting stronger and better all the time.

Although I experienced a real catastrophe, I have found that real catastrophes are much rarer than most people think. Almost any serious problem can become a catastrophe. Fortunately, this almost never happens. I have seen people worry and "catastrophize" about problems that we face in our organization thousands of times. Only one really became a catastrophe, and we survived that one too!

Trouble will get here. There is no doubt about that, and it will be bad enough when it does. But trouble is not a catastrophe. It may be uncomfortable to experience the trouble. It may be difficult to resolve the trouble. But we can and we will resolve it. We always do.

I understand that you are worried even though I am not. Tell me what you are worried about. How might this affect us? What can we do to prepare for it? How can we respond? Who should?